Saturday, March 9, 2013

A return and some changes...

It's been almost a year since my last post and many things have happened to me in that time. When I began this blog, I had many goals and dreams that I was on the verge of tackling. Within a few weeks of starting it, I found out I was being challenged for my chair in our local symphony. For the next few months I stopped all "extra" work and just prepared for the audition. That included my dreams, goals and this blog. I know now that that was a mistake, because I lost the audition.

It had been a very long time since I lost at anything and it hit me hard. I realize now that I was depressed, but I didn't see it at the time. Everything suffered: my studio, personal, my personal life, my relationships and my motivation for tackling new projects. I decided not to quit the symphony, but the first concert after a summer of avoiding my feelings was really tough. I still feel that it was the right decision to not quit. I feel so much more empathy for my students now when they fall short of their goals than I did before, and I think it has made me a stronger teacher.

On top of trying to heal emotionally after failure, my husband and I decided to start trying for our first baby. We found out that I was pregnant soon afterward and we are expecting our daughter in May. I'm incredibly excited about the baby, but being pregnant has really affected my reed making, teaching and playing. I'm learning ways to cope with my exhaustion and physical changes, but things are certainly different than they used to be. I'm hoping that I can share some of those coping skills here. Being a pregnant wind player isn't something that you hear people talk about very much, and I think it'd be great to have a resource with other people's experiences on the subject.

If anything, the last year has taught me to stop waiting for the stars to align before I get going with new projects. There is never going to be the perfect time, where everything is just right, and it all goes off without a hitch. My (professional) goals for this year are to learn how to balance my baby and oboe, take on more students, start selling reeds online and write on this blog at least twice a week. Will I achieve all of them? Maybe, maybe not, but it all starts now with the circumstances that I'm dealing with. No more waiting around for the ideal environment.                                                                                                  

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